How I discovered my Right To Be

In the last years, mainly through working intensely with people
in higher leadership positions and with large responsibilities in
the world, it has become very clear to me, that there is one
thing that holds many people back.
It even holds us back from making a step forward as humanity, I
believe.
It is the myth of professional-ism.
I encounter many people that are highly capable, intelligent and
willing to make a change through their work…and more often than
not, they find themselves drained, frustrated and without
inspiration.
We all have been spoon-fed a certain idea, that in order to be
efficient and a good professional, you have to distance yourself
from your emotions.
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Keep the emotions out, stay professional!
Don´t let your personal opinions cloud your rational judgment!
Be an Adult, think straight!
I have heard these and similar statements by now many times over.
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The sad thing is though, it simply doesn´t work.
​
​If you try to disconnect from your emotions and internal
experiences as a human being, they start to control you from
behind. ​
​
What you create is not more clarity, but more disconnection and
unconscious identification with what you don´t want.
What then tends to happen is that we create so called
“professional environments” that become cold, emotionally numb
and simply much less intelligent and creative than they could be.
Modern leadership research is exactly pointing in this direction,
and it is also by no means exclusive to the corporate world.
Maybe you already had an experience with a medical professional,
a therapist, a social worker, or a teacher in school, or even a
spiritual teacher or workshop leader, who– for good reasons – was
trying to keep it cool and professional, but you could feel the
unprocessed emotions and patterns underneath, affecting their
work.
As human beings we feel it when emotions and triggered states are
in the room.
It can be quite uncomfortable when those feelings are not held in
a mature way.
​
You feel it when your therapist is keeping it cool and hide their
vulnerability under a cloak of professional distance.
Everybody can feel when the team leader is in a bad mood, when
the meeting gets difficult or conversations get personal, while
only talking “numbers or facts”.
​

When I was about 22 years old, I went to my first family constellation.
I feel confident to say that this experience has powerfully shaped and influenced my life in many ways.

For the first time I researched my family history beyond the usual stories and hard facts.
What opened up in me due to this was very empowering and life affirming.

More than 2 decades later, having participated in and facilitated hundreds of constellations, and having worked with thousands of people on their family history, I keep on discovering new layers how I have been shaped by the lives of my ancestors.

​
Paradoxically this is the continuous process of finding and becoming my real Self.
One of my teachers, Thomas Hübl, has aptly coined this the Right to Be, which consists of the Right to Belong and the Right to Become.

Being means, that we are at the same time free and connected. Being able to express and live what we are here for.

This is what true individuality is.
In our western notion, we often misunderstand individuality as being disconnected and having no more ties to where we came from.
But this is not how life works.

The Right to Be is given to us by birth – simply by being alive, you have the Right and Freedom to be yourself. Yet, in a wounded word, we also need to reclaim this right over a lifetime.

The Right to Belong comes alive, when we feel connected and safe in our family and tribe. By being welcomed and having a place that nobody can question!

The Right to Become is the call to be who we want to be.
Not just following the footsteps of our ancestry, but forging our own individual path in life.

I come from a very, very long lineage of farmers.
Researching my family tree was fascinating. Going back hundreds of years of recorded history, I found out that none of my direct ancestors seemed to have had another job ever!

From my ancestors I got the gift of Tradition, a sense of stability and how to keep things secure. These are still valued qualities in my life now.

On the other hand, I did not learn much about innovation, bold jumps and doing something completely different or think outside the box.

In the last years, I noticed in myself again that I can be quite conservative and risk-averse when needing to make bigger or bolder decisions.

I already have lived a very non-traditional life including many unconventional choices in life, and still can find myself at times following old family patterns:

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Play it safe!
Don´t think too big!
This is for others, not for us!
That can´t work, stick to what you know!

The difference now is that I know where it comes from. I learned to embrace this as my heritage. I can honor the lives of my ancestors and thank them for what they gave to me and my family.

I don´t need to prove anymore that I am different, as I have done especially in my rebellious teenage years and my early 20´s.

I know I belong, and I know I am different, because I am me, and this is my destiny to embrace.

Talking and connecting to my Ancestors has since long become a part of my daily practice. I thank them, ask them for support and honor them by living my life in the best way I possibly can.

I know I have their blessing, and sometimes I need to do a little bit of translating, because I live in a vastly different world

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