Conflict can be a Source of Connection and Meaning, if approached skillfully.

In this video I first explore the 2 Main Unconscious Patterns we tend to fall into when it comes to Conflict.

Then I go into the Key Principles we need to understand to be able to use Conflict as a Gateway to Discovering what Truly Matters.

Once you have watched the video, make sure to take some time to reflect & journal on the questions below!

Conflicts are not a Problem, it’s more a question of how we handle them.
We can use them as a gateway for connection & clarifying what you really want.

Conflicts point to something that is important, that wants to be seen and recognized.
We can support each other in finding out what that is.
The best time to learn about conflict is not when you are in one.

There are 2 Major Coping Mechanisms of Dealing with Conflict:

1. Constant Fight Mode

In this instance, relating is like a battlefield.
There are frequent fights, both persons involved are often triggered by each other.
The relationship does not feel safe and secure.
However, there is often a lot of passion and aliveness present.
Can have a lot of warmth & care

2. Unspoken Conflicts

Pretending conflicts are not happening
Having given up on expressing what you want/ what irritates you
Frozen version of conflict
Lack of Passion, Aliveness & Deep Connection
Distance

Questions for Reflection:

• Which pitfall can you relate to more?
• What tends to be your first reaction to conflict?
• What strategies do you usually use to handle conflict? Are there differences in different relationships
• What did you learn about conflict when you were growing up?What was the right way, what wasn’t welcome?
• What is your learning edge right now to handle conflict more productively?→ Share this with your partner and ask them for support & feedback if you like